I didn’t expect to feel like this!

As expected this mornings test was negative. My hand was shaking so much I could hold the stick, so I used a cup to collect and dipped the stick. 

I calmly went back into the bedroom and informed hubby, I felt nothing just numb. 

About an hour or so later it seems to hit me. I’ve done nothing but cry for most of the day. I’m not sure how to describe how I feel, sad doesn’t seem to cover it. 

Everytime I think about it I cry, everytime I have to tell someone else it hasn’t worked I cry, everytime I speak to someone from the clinic I cry after. I have a terrible headache and puffy eyes, but I just can’t stop crying. 

I missed the clinics call, but not on purpose it took me sometime to compose myself before calling back. I was very calm about telling them it hasn’t worked and declined the counselling appointment. Our cycle will be discussed during a review meeting and they will then call us to arrange an appointment. All this will happen next week. I’m left feeling in limbo, I thought we’d have a date by the end of today. After the phone call, I cry again!

Later in the day someone from the clinc calls back to say they have discussed our cycle, she’s calling to ask if we want a review? I’m confused do they think we should bother with one! And I cry again! So now I’m waiting from someone from admin to get back to me. Last time I waited for someone from admin to call I ended up having to call them myself. 


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