Despite my efforts to keep myself busy, I’ve still found time to dwell too much on what’s happening, or not happening.
The clinic called with an update about the remaining embryos. 2 continued to grow, but didn’t make it into anything of good enough quality to freeze and the others just stopped growing. I think this was the start of all my negative feelings.
We must be having such terrible results because I’m a bad Mum (not true)
I must be a bad person (I don’t think that’s true)
I don’t deserve to be lucky again (well of course I do)
Then there the anger, I’m angry because there are parents who miss treat their children and those who fall pregnant again and again without even trying.
But worst of all are the feelings of letting little p down. What do I tell him when he starts asking about siblings. He needs more family in his life,I just can’t bare the thought of him becoming lonely.
We also have a house full of baby stuff we kept for our next one. So,what do I do with it? Selling it on would break my heart, another sign of my failure. I already can’t bare seeing it around the house.