The past few days have been beautifully sunny, walks along the beach, walking through beautiful gardens and woodland, a ride on a steam train and a BBQ in the garden. Just what I’ve needed.
For a few days previous I started having doubts again. Are we doing what’s best for little p? What if it doesn’t work? How many times do we do this? I’m 39 this year am I getting too old? I’m putting it down to hormones and a three day migraine.
But on Sunday I stood in our bedroom looking out of the window into our garden watching hubby and little p and it brought a tear to my eye. We are so lucky to be making these memories. I watched as hubby mowed the lawn and the little one helped to collect sticks and leaves. My heart melted.
Later the same day I watched little p playing, alone. My heart broke just a little bit. The guilt crept back. I felt so bad that he doesn’t have a play mate. I don’t have friends with children a similar age, no one to invite around for play dates. But, I know it won’t always be this way. There may someday be a sibling for him to play with. But, sometime soon in the future there will definitely be friends.
This weekend we’ve also wandered through woods with bluebells, running and chasing each other, climbed stepping stones over a river and rode on a little steam train through beautiful gardens full of flowers
Later in the evening hubby said ‘I have a family a real family’
Life is good and we have a fantastic future to build together. No matter what happens with the treatment.